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An open letter to all males everywhere

Posted by Tom Terez on Feb 3, 2013 in Archive, Communication, Self-Improvement

Hello, Gentlemen.

First, let me make clear that I’m a proud, card-carrying male. I yell at the TV during football season. I spend Friday evenings playing pool with the guys. I even like demolition derbies.

But you know what, gentlemen? We’ve got some work to do. On ourselves. Starting now.

I’m talking about emotions, emotional intelligence, and self-improvement. Whenever these topics come up, too many men shut down. They sit back. They fold their arms. They roll their eyes. They mumble stuff about “touchy-feely.” In other words, they strap on the emotional body armor.

Not all guys respond this way. But many do, and you might be one of them. If so, consider the following:

Most of us have a bias for action. We like to rush in and solve, rescue, and fix. That works great with a clogged sink, but with relationships, forget it. We need to bite our tongues, exert our eardrums, and show more empathy.

Speaking of empathy, let’s not tune out whenever people start talking about emotions. If it weren’t for emotional intelligence, we’d be a pack of wild animals. Repeat after me: Emotions are a good thing.

Emotional intelligence is hardly rocket science. It’s about reading people’s emotions, taking time to figure out what those emotions mean, and adjusting our approach accordingly. We can do this.

Then there’s self-improvement. We paint our homes, speed up our computers, build new decks, and buy new cars. Shouldn’t we upgrade ourselves once in a while?

You might be comfortable with your old way of doing things, and maybe you think it’s working. But is it working for the people around you? At work? At home? Everywhere? All the time? You know the answer.

I’m not asking you to hug a tree, watch Oprah, or start listening to Barry Manilow. Let’s not get crazy here. All I’m suggesting is that you take a look in the mirror — and figure out a couple things you can do differently.

Personal change is the hardest work you’ll ever do. You’re tough enough to get it done, right?

How to spring load your own improvement efforts

Posted by Tom Terez on Feb 3, 2013 in Archive, Career, Change Management, Self-Improvement

PREVIEW: The FROM-TO format is a framing technique that spring loads your good intentions. It makes your thoughts more tangible and visible. It creates a positive tension between what is and what will be. It heightens importance and urgency. And it paves the way to positive action. You can describe any intended change in the FROM-TO format: establishing new habits, creating new conditions, building new relationships, cultivating a new state of mind, and much more.

IN THIS WORLD of nonstop change, we need to be our own best change agents, improving ourselves all the time. Yet nothing is more difficult than changing our own ways of thinking, doing, and being.

Here’s what often happens: We identify a change we want to bring about in our lives. It’s a self-improvement, all good. We think about it. We keep thinking. We resolve to take action, soon. We think some more. Then a few months fly by and…everything is still the same. Change now seems elusive. We keep thinking about it, but our good intentions are now mixed with frustration.

This is typical, but it’s hardly inevitable. The are four things you can do to stack the change-management odds in your favor:

• Frame the change in a helpful way
• Identify actions that are in your sphere of control
• Clarify your top priorities
• Take several steps right away to gain early traction

It sounds like a lot of work. In reality, it can be fast and fairly straightforward as long as you follow a process. That’s what the rest of this post is about. It describes a step-by-step approach that will bring structure, clarity, and quick momentum to your personal change efforts.

You can get started right now. Just 15 minutes will get you far enough along that you’ll want to continue when you have more time. From beginning to end, the whole exercise takes two or more hours to do well. You can stretch this over a week or two, as explained below.

When you’re ready:

1. Start with a clean page. You can use a legal pad (good), a word processing document (better), or a spreadsheet (best). With a spreadsheet, you’ll be able to sort what you write more easily. If you opt for paper or a Word document, turn it horizontally so it’s in landscape format. You’ll need the extra left-to-right writing space.

2. Divide your worksheet into three columns. Label each column with a single word: FROM (left column), TO (middle column), and HOW (right column). (more…)

Look in the mirror and meet your boss

Posted by Tom Terez on Jan 7, 2013 in Archive, Performance

That person you “report to” at work might say otherwise, but the fact is, you are your own first and foremost supervisor, manager, and leader.

Ever hear a voice in your head telling you to spend extra time with a customer? That’s your boss talking.

Ever kick yourself for moving too slow or making some dumb mistake or falling short of your potential? That’s your boss letting you have it.

Ever finish a project with a deep feeling of self-satisfaction? Give credit to that boss of yours, who knows better than anyone when you put your greatest strengths to work.

No one knows you like our own internal boss. And the best thing is, you can put this “person” to good work every day. Here are five ways:

Conduct your own performance evaluation at least once a week. No need to bother with questionable criteria, arbitrary templates, or macro-laden spreadsheets. Simply compare your productivity to your potential, and decide on one or two things to do differently during the upcoming week.

Know your strengths. It sounds obvious — so obvious that you can immediately name your top three. You can name your top three strengths, right?

Take responsibility for your own learning. There are opportunities all around you: in that magazine article you’ve been meaning to read, in that lunchtime conversation with people from another department, in that optional lunch-and-learn session, in that upcoming workshop, in that new project that will also add to your workload. The choice is yours.

Keep yourself informed. If you feel uneasy because you’re working with a scarcity of information, go to people in the know and fill in the blanks as best you can. You’ll get plenty of answers as long as you ask questions.

If you mess something up, don’t beat yourself up. Chalk it up to learning, extract the one or two biggest lessons, carry them forward to inform your future work, and leave everything else in the forgotten past.

7 traps that snare the best bosses

Posted by Tom Terez on Jan 5, 2013 in Archive, Leadership

John is a turbocharged decision-maker. Whenever he chooses a course of action, he makes up his mind instantly.

Susan is the ultimate improviser. Whatever happens, she can adapt and adjust and say all the right things.

Mark is a great listener, and his door is always open.

Decisiveness, improvisation, emotional intelligence — they’re all good, right?

Sure they are. But when it comes to being a boss, too much of a good thing can produce some bad outcomes.

It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s painfully true: In an effort to do the right thing, managers often do just the opposite. Here are seven common traps:

Knowing the facts vs. closing your mind: Knowledge is a good thing, except when we know so much that we believe we just might know it all. Remember, you can be certain and be wrong. Keep your mind open to new ideas and information.

Being decisive vs. doing change to people: Decisiveness is a strength, but too much unilateral action by “the person in charge” is a sure way to get people to disengage. If you want them to think and care, involve them in decision-making and planning.

Improvising vs. acting rashly: Change is the only constant in today’s workplace, so it’s great to be good at improvising. But people who constantly make things up as they go along can get cavalier and end up causing problems. Know when to wing it and when to do your homework.

Showing empathy vs. losing objectivity: When it comes to emotional intelligence, a little listening can go a long way. But sometimes we try so hard to let people know we’re on their side that we get embroiled in the drama — and distracted from our work. By all means lend an ear, but not at the expense of your work role.

Nurturing a friendly atmosphere vs. ignoring the elephants in the room: We’d all like a workplace where people are nice to each other, but nice is not always good. Too many workgroups turn fake friendliness into an art form, covering up deep disagreements that produce long-term dysfunction. Instead of working extra hard to keep things pleasant, pursue civility and honesty.

Providing guidance vs. taking over: Every good manager wants people to succeed, but well-intended guidance can become a slippery slope. It starts when someone asks a question…and the boss begins to expound, explaining in detail what the person should do…and pretty soon the boss is doing it for them. When it comes to providing guidance that ensures learning, less is more.

Empowering vs. abandoning: Some managers are so determined to empower people that they turn up the trust and let people go about their work entirely on their own. The work usually gets done just fine, but people are left wondering why their boss shows so little interest. You don’t want to meddle, but you do want to show that you care.

Needed: Supervisors with super vision

Posted by Tom Terez on Jan 2, 2013 in Archive, Leadership, Management

The word supervisor is used so often, we seldom think about it. But we should — because that seemingly innocent word can have two very different meanings.

With origins in Medieval Latin, supervisor is a combination of super (Latin for above, beyond) and videre (to see). So in its most literal sense, a supervisor is someone who oversees other people.

The dictionary defines it this way: a person who supervises workers or the work done by others; superintendent. Supervise: to oversee (a process, work, workers, etc.) during execution or performance; superintend; have the oversight and direction of.

This is indeed the case in many workplaces. The supervisor is someone who oversees, making sure people are doing what they’re supposed to be doing. He or she serves as an ongoing inspector of sorts, correcting people as necessary. Taken to an extreme, the supervisor is an enforcer.

Now, let’s look at the same word from a much different angle.

The most effective supervisors are the ones with super vision.

•  They can see the big picture, and they help others do the same.
• They can see how different roles and tasks fit together to create a system.
• They can see into the future, at least enough to foresee some of the knowledge, skills, and tools that will be needed down the road.
• They can see themselves with greater honesty, understanding their unique styles, strengths, and improvement opportunities.
• They can see the nuance in different situations, which allows them to adapt and respond in constructive ways in a wide range of circumstances.

The “supervisor as overseer” approach takes less thinking because of its one-size-fits-all nature. It’s largely reactive. Because it places one person above others, it reinforces hierarchy and division.

The “super vision” approach requires much more thinking. It calls for extra time, patience, practice, flexibility, and self-change. It’s entirely proactive and inherently unifying.

Let’s send the message to workplaces everywhere: We need more supervisors with super vision — and fewer who cling to that outmoded role of overseer.